Illness Review - Strep Throat

I always thought strep throat was something you only got when you were in grade school. You know, from the nasty kid whose mom never washes him and who has to get to her job at the blowjob factory so she never lets him miss school even if he did just blow a manatee-size wad of green goo out his left nostril. That kid goes to school, and you go to school, and the next thing you know, your throat is swollen to three times normal size and you can't get out of bed for two days straight.

Well, it turns out, you can get that when you're a grown man. I know, because I woke up with it yesterday. Every time I swallow, it's like a sadistic policeman is tasing me in the throat. I haven't been awake for more than two hours in a row since Thursday morning. I tried to play A Game of Thrones LCG tonight with my family, but almost fell asleep before we finished the second turn. Now I'm staggering around, head all dizzy like someone scrubbed out my brain and replaced it with clean tampons, body aching like I just went five rounds with Rocky Balboa and one of the psychotic bastards from Ultimate Fighting. I can't take another antibiotic until morning, which isn't as sad as it could be, because that means I don't have to swallow it.

I'm off to catch another six hours of fitful shut-eye, after which I will no doubt be just awake enough to hunger for something I couldn't possibly hope to swallow without having a nuclear warhead explode in my trachea.